and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
