i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
