I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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