In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
