PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Will exercising make me less horny?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
