I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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