u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
