wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
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You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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