Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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