It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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