Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm having to shit out rocks
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
