She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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