but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
bring money and cleavage
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
