Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Less talking, more tequila
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
