Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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