So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
