I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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