I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
