Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
