how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
