Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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