also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
