I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
