i was born a porn star she said
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
