she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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