You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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