I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize