the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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