Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
