how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
