i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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