Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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