Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
