I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
