you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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