My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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