literally had 100 drinks last night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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