they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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