just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
