A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
