why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
