Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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