HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
