Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
