So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's blow job season.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
