I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...