I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS