Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.