Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
