He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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