I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
