This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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