WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize