So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
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i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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