I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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