she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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