I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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