that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think I just sharted jello shots
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