Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
